Fury
by Davii-Hime
Summary: “I'm not gay if that's what you were leading to. I'm bi.” “Oh...Oh, okay...still a bit awkward for me. I mean, how can anyone not be attracted to my oh so hot body?” AH/AU. SethxOC Slashfic.
1. I Bet It Stung

**A/N: **Review please, I don't care if you add this to your alert or something, but for Bob's sake give me an opinion on the damned thing.

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I spent another day doing what I do best, mope. I'm pretty much your dictionary-defined "emo"...except for the fact that I'm actually happy about most of my life. The only thing I'm moping about is that it's the weekend, and my friends have nothing planned so I have nothing to do. I spent a couple hours reading this book I picked up that was actually five novels in one. It was 'The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide' by Douglas Adams, it was the best combination of space travel, comedy, and romance you can put into five books. After I had read most of the first book I decided to sleep, it being a Saturday I was thoroughly bored enough.

The following Sunday went pretty much the same; wake up, eat breakfast, mope, read, sleep, read, sleep. When Monday finally came I was glad the distraction of school came with it. I don't think I could ever stand being away from my friends longer than necessary. My first few classes were always boring and I usually ended up drawing through them and completely ignoring the teacher.

Lunch rolled around and I was starving, I ordered up the usual three bottles of water and a small bag of baked Hot Cheeto's and made my way to the tables.

They were outdoors in the middle of the school where it opened up like a courtyard, and unfortunately the tables had this weird green plastic-rubber stuff that made the metal less hot in the the sun, but kinda sticky. I threw my shoulder bag on the table and proceeded to sit on top of the table. I gave a quick 'Hi!' to my friends that were already sitting and we got our chat on. I begrudgingly went to my next to classes as the bell rang because after lunch I didn't see much of my friends anymore.

The last two periods went by fairly quickly and I was glad to be on the bus heading home. The problem with living in Salida when your high school is in Modesto, is the distance. I either take the twenty minute, bus ride literally packed full of students, or take the 2 hour walk. Some days I wish I would have just walked.

As I approached my house from the end of the street I noticed a sign in the front yard. I prayed and hoped it was just another Yard Sale sign, but something about the moving van sitting in the driveway told me otherwise. I quickened my pace and practically threw the door to the house open and yelled for my mom.

"MOM!!" I took some breaths here, "Why is there a 'For Sale' sign in the front yard?! We can't seriously be moving?"

"Um, yes we are. Your dad wants to move somewhere smaller, with less annoying people around." she replied.

"Okay...I kind of agree with the annoying people bit, but why now? We've lived here for 11 years, can't you wait 'till I at least _finish_ high school?" I was starting to hyperventilate now thinking about moving to another town, no friends meant no life, no life meant completely giving in to the daily depression...that would suck.

"No, we can't wait. Your dad already accepted a job there and is expected to start next week. We packed most of your things already, except your laptop and clothes, you can do those."

"But...I don't WANT to leave yet!" my voice bursting with frustration and anger, "Graduation is only a couple months away, don't do this to me now...

"I don't think I can deal with having to start over." I was practically begging my mom with my eyes.

"Alex, we just can't keep making payments on this house, the home we're moving to is much cheaper and more manageable in our budget. This is hard on us all, we didn't want to move either, but we just don't have a choice right now." she said with finality. The conversation was over.

I stormed into my room and tried to slam my door, but wind resistance kept it from doing so. I went to my drawers and pulled out my art supplies that I kept with my clothes and pulled out some of my larger canvas'. Painting was my outlet, a way for me to let out my emotions in a non-violent way. I grabbed my paints, and picked every shade of blue I had and set them out, separating them by darkness.

I began to paint, starting with the darkest blue. I painted lines going horizontal, slightly curving as my brush strokes made their way across the canvas. I added lighter blues for highlights and painted the sky a kind of metallic-y-gray-blue I had. The final picture was a river in a gray sky, with a darker shape floating down the river, face down, drowned. I felt better, but not by much.

I went out to ask my mom at least where we would be moving to, to which she replied;

"Forks."

"Forks? Is that even in California?!" I asked a little more harshly than I wanted.

"No, it's in Washington."

"Oh...well...what's the weather like around there?"

"I think you'll like it. It's apparently rainy and cold for most the year. Great for staying indoors."

_Oh yes, because I oh so love being at home._ I thought sarcastically at myself.

"At least the weather is decent for me..." I muttered.

The next week was terrible, it was chop-full of my friends being sad that I was leaving, and me being sad because I was being forced to leave. When the day to leave finally came, most of my friends managed to make it to my house to say one final good bye. It looked like one of those cheesy movie moments where the kid looks out the back window as they leave everything behind, only it was a lot less cheesy when you were the kid in the car.

I refused to talk to my parents at all during the drive, I sat in the car and listened to my Ipod the entire way, listening to the most depressing songs I could find on it, mostly some sad Ingrid Michaelson and Rilo Kiley songs and a few Connor Oberst songs as well. I fell asleep a great deal and had no clue exactly how long we had been driving, but I figured the sign that said "Welcome to Forks" meant we were awfully close.

The skies were gray and it was lightly sprinkling, so I figured now was a good time to listen to some happier music. I decided now was a good time to listen to some Lily Allen and Kate Nash to brighten me up some. After some more driving around we came by a small residential area and the house I would now be sulking in.

It was gray, it was blue, it was boring, it was kind of big. The two story house had this air of...old, like it had been there a while, and was well lived in. The floors were hardwood, no carpet at all. I enjoyed that, carpet was a mess to vacuum and I always managed to stain it. The five bedrooms were rather large, and three of them had a bathroom attached to them, complete with bath and shower and sinks and cupboards. I was wondering why there were so many rooms, but decided it was because it was cheap, and it was nice, so my parents didn't care.

Lucky for me it was a Saturday, so I had time to get unpacked before I had to start school the upcoming Monday. I decided now would be a great time for a walk. I told my parents I was leaving, and walked out the door. The rain was coming down pretty hard now so I was in a great mood. I loved the rain, almost more than I loved my friends, it made me feel so clean and the smell it left afterward was just pure win. I headed down the street not caring where I was going, I had walked for a good two hours now and had passed by several shops I figured I would get to know later, especially the neat little coffee shop.

I went to turn around and head home, when I realized I had no clue which direction home was, or even what our new telephone number was. _Eh, I'll just walk 'till I recognize something._ I walked back in the direction I thought I came, and realized I was completely lost, with no one to help me. My silent fuming had gone down by now and I was now just in a state of depression-slash-acceptance. Maybe moving here wasn't that bad an idea.

"Damn, it's getting late..." I muttered to myself. I figured if I talked to myself a bit, I would calm down, it usually worked. I guess today was just _that_ sucky.

"Oh yes, getting lost is so much fun.

"I think I'd rather think more positive thoughts...like, like I think I recognize that tree..."

"Lost?" asked a voice behind me.

"Gyah! Bibliophiles!, you scared the crap out of me!" I hadn't expected anyone to be out walking around now, it being almost night and raining, the thought someone else was out here never crossed my mind.

"Jeeze, didn't think anyone would be around about now."

He kind of chortled "You know, it's awfully dangerous to be out in the cold rain at this time, you could develop hypothermia. And do you always yell 'Bibliophile' when you're surprised?" I took a good look at the guy now seeing as I wasn't scared half-to-death now.

He was hot...there was almost no other way for me to explain it. He had a tight fitting sweatshirt on that clung to his arms and stomach and made his muscles a bit obvious, he was also wearing a pair of jeans that looked good on him. He was the definition of 'Tall, Dark, and Handsome'. His near-black hair made his brown eyes seem lighter than they should and gave them a slight reddish-brown look. "So, would you like some help finding your way home?"

God would I ever, "Sure, I don't think I could find my way home if I tried. Having just moved here, I don't even know my number."

"Hmm...do you at least know what street you live on? Oh, and I'm Seth by the way." He smiled a smile so bright I couldn't help but smile back.

"Nope, not a clue. And I'm Alex, nice to meet ya Seth." _Mmm, Seth, I love the way that sounds...wow, weird thoughts..._

"Well Alex, I guess I can just walk you around 'till you think you recognize a building or something."

"No, it's okay, I think I'll just ring the cops real quick, say I'm lost, see if they know anything about the Rolichecks moving in around here."

"Well it being a small town, I wouldn't doubt one of the moms around here know where you live. News gets around fast here. I think even down on the rez where I live, some people know about the new folks moving to Forks." He laughed a little, making me kind of giggle with him. We walked for a bit together and had some fun conversation, we had talked about music interests and other little things. We were having fun and it felt great just to get to know him.

I found out he was in the 11th grade and was attending high school at forks, even though he lived on the reservation because he was able to take higher classes there than at the La Push high school. He wasn't really into sports but he kept himself in shape simply by eating healthy and talking good, long walks. It was getting really dark and I realized I must have subconsciously found my way back, because we were walking towards my house now.

"Aw, darn we managed to find my house." I pouted a little feeling bad that my time was coming to an end with Seth.

He laughed at me "Finding your way back was a bad thing?" he looked at me like I was insane and told him that I was thoroughly insane, because "Well...If I'm at home then that means I won't be able to talk to you, I'm pretty sure you should be heading home, I mean it's awfully late."

"My parents don't really mind what time I get in, as long as I get in they're usually okay." he smiled his bright smile and I just couldn't help but believe him.

"Alright, well I guess I'll see you at school. I should be starting this Monday."

"See ya then." he walked away, and I watched him walk until he was no longer in sight, his form slowly disappearing into the darkness. I really hope that I wasn't feeling what I think I was feeling. It was too early for me to think I might be feeling this...It's too fast, I just met him, and I doubt he would ever like me. It's hard to find guys that nice, good looking, and caring and not taken.

He's just too out of reach, and my arms are tied, me and my feelings are just going to be stuck in the dark, like always.

I turned to walk inside, and the door flung inwards, my panicked mother on the other side.

"Dear Bob! Alex! Where have you been?! We almost called the police!"

"Chill mom, I told I was going for a walk. And who's Bob?"

"Yea, but that was six hours ago. I thought you might have been kidnapped, and Bob is no one. Now get inside young man, and go take a warm shower before you get sick!"

I hadn't realized I was shaking like mad, and freezing as hell. I gladly obliged and practically stripped as I ran upstairs into my room to take a nice hot shower, followed by a bath. There was a lot to take in today, and I wanted to make sure I got enough sleep to go for another walk tomorrow.

Maybe I would see Seth again...just maybe.


	2. Silver Lining

**Seth**

I had woken up today, and figured it would be great for a walk. But when I looked out the window, nature thought otherwise. I frowned to myself until it dawned on me, _I'll go walking anyway_. So I took a shower and headed downstairs for breakfast saying a quick "Morning!" to my sister, Leah.

"You look awful happy this morning. Did something happen in the three minutes you've been awake?" she asked

"Nope, nothing happened. I just really feel happy this morning for no reason...Like the Earth just woke me up and said "Be Happy! Today should be a great day!" I chuckled at myself, then continued on my hunt for something to eat. Mom wasn't home in the mornings, though she was hardly ever home at all.

I made myself some toast, and went to the fridge to get some orange juice to go with my wonderful wonder-bread toast, but when I opened the fridge three tequila bottles fell out and one of them shattered on the floor.

"Great, was mom drinking again last night Leah?" Mom had started drinking heavily when dad died, I guess it was just how she dealt with it.

"I think so, she said she didn't drink that much before she went to bed, and she wasn't slurring or tripping all over the place so she wasn't too horribly drunk." my sister was about as annoyed as I was that she was even drinking.

"Well, I just broke one of her tequila bottles, and I'm hiding the others. If she asks where they are tell her I threw them away. We _have _to get her to stop."

"I know Seth, I know. But this is how she deals with it."

"She needs to find a healthier alternative. Going to work with hangovers isn't going to help her any." She worked as a nurse at the local doctors office. There were never any serious accidents in La Push, so most of the patients were usually just there for check-ups, but being a drunken nurse, no matter where you work just doesn't look good.

"Alright well I'm headed to Jake's place for a bit, lock up the house if you leave." she was walking out the door already. Jake was one of my friends he was a couple years older but we used to hang out a lot, 'till he started hanging out with some other guys. I admit, I felt a little abandoned, I really liked Jake, he was a great guy, my role model. I left him alone though, if he didn't want to hang around me anymore, then I'll keep my distance.

"Okay, go have fun sucking face." I laughed quite out loud now, causing Leah to say some rather choice words. Her and Jake had started going out a couple months ago, I guess Jake managed to talk to her long enough for her to drop her guard. She kept to herself a lot after her old boyfriend had practically put her heart in a blender, she had been bitter, and bitchy to everyone, which didn't help mom's situation either. Jake had fixed her, and I would forever be grateful, but it didn't mean I don't like to poke fun at them every now and then.

"Time to go get ready for that walk." I told myself.

I showered, dressed in some jeans and a tight fitting sweater, and started for the door. I almost forgot to grab my house key on the way out and when I went to grab for it on the kitchen table, I remembered that I still needed to hide mom's tequila. I picked up the bottles and took them to my room, and hid them in the furthest reaches of my closet, putting them in one of my old backpacks. _Mom shouldn't be able to find them if they're hidden here._ I thought that hiding them in some of my old stuff cramped up in my closet was quite well thought out for me, I never really thought to hide anything in my closet before. I think it's because I've also never had anything to had before, I didn't have any secrets or anything. My life was an open book.

After successfully hiding the bottles I went and started on my walk, heading towards the beach first. On my way there I passed by some houses, but there was one house I was both dreading, and desperate to walk by. Kayla had been one of my childhood friends, and I had developed a sort of crush on her when we were still kids. I told her I liked her about a year ago, and it didn't go all too well...

_Flashback _*****flash*

_Kayla: Hey Seth, what's up? You look kinda fidgety..._

_Seth: Well, there's kinda something I want to tell you._

_Kayla: I'm pretty sure whatever it is, it's gotta be pretty big for you to be this uneasy._

_Seth: I guess...ummm, I think it'd be easy for me to just say it, so here it goes *_long pause*

_Kayla: Seth...Seth, you okay there?_

_Seth: ILikeYouALot_

_Kayla: ...oh...._

_Seth: …_

_Kayla: Seth, breathe._

_Seth: *_sharp inhale*

_Kayla: Okay, now that you're breathing again. I'm sorry Seth, but I don't think I like you the same way you like me. To me you're the big brother I never had, and I don't think it would work out. Please don't make it weird now, I still want to be friends._

_Seth: …_

_Kayla: Seth, please breathe._

_Seth: ...okay...friends it is then. Bye._

_End Flashback_

And after that I ran, and ran, and ran. I think I was almost home, but blacked out before I actually got inside, because I remember being out of my house then closing my eyes and opening them to me sitting in my bed. I never really got over her, so walking by her house is always something of a bittersweet thing for me.

Unfortunately for me, she was walking out of her house, her dog in hand. She saw me and waved, walking over to me as I tried to inconspicuously walk away, and started to walk with me. _Darn! She cought up..._

"Hiya Seth!" her voice light and happy.

"Hey Kayla. Taking Addie for a walk?" I tried to keep my thoughts away from her, staring at my shoes. I usually semi-avoided her, talking to her, but never really looking at her.

"Yup, I was thinking of heading down to the beach to play with her for a bit." _Oh great. There goes that morning comfort._

"Cool, looks like we're both heading the same way. I was heading down to the beach for a bit of a walk." I lifted my head a little and smiled as I said this looking at Addie, but still keeping my eyes away from Kayla's face.

We walked in silence for a while until we were almost the beach. She started talking about a new family that was supposed to be moving into Forks today.

"I heard they were moving here from California, mom overheard some ladies in the salon in Forks saying they were moving here because of money problems. That's gotta suck, needing to move because you can't pay for your house."

I stayed mostly silent, just nodding every here and there, and trying to focus on walking. I didn't like to gossip, or hear gossip, it only ever fueled rumors, and that sucks. While she blabbed away, we finally reached the beach. She went off with her dog to go play some fetch, and I just sat on the sand. I leaned back a bit, straightening my arms behind me for support and tilted my head back. I sat there with my eyes closed for a while, when I felt a light drizzle of rain start to fall I opened my eyes, and was immediately bored.

I told Kayla I was going and waved goodbye. I figured a long, long walk to Forks would do me a little good. Rain or not, I loved walking, and I didn't think it was going to really rain anytime soon. A few hours of walking later, it had started to rain hard and I finally made it into Forks. I immediately went into the little cafe to order a nice warm tea. I love tea, it's all full of those anti-oxidant things and it tastes great. I sat myself into one of the chairs that was closest to the giant window in the front and just looked outside while drinking my tea.

I had seen someone walk by, he looked up at the sky and probably noticed it was getting a little late. He turned around to head home but then just stopped and had a face that just screamed 'Crap! I just realized something!' He started to look around, his side-swept bangs kind of flailing about his face. He looked 'emo' but he also didn't have that I want to kill myself look. I would say he's tall, but being me everyone looks a little shorter, and he was a little on the skinny side. He started walking off again, but he still looked unsure about where he was going. I left the shop and thought I might be able to help him, when I caught up to him I heard him talking to himself.

"Damn, it's getting late..." he muttered.

"Oh yes, getting lost is so much fun.  
"I think I'd rather think more positive thoughts...like, like I think I recognize that tree..."

And now I _knew_ he was lost, but I felt compelled to ask anyway.

"Lost?" I asked, his reaction was hilarious. He looked like he could have jumped out of his skin if it was possible.

"Gyah! Bibliophiles!, you scared the crap out of me!  
"Jeeze, didn't think anyone would be around about now."

I did this kind of half chuckle, half snort thing before I had a chance to say anything.

"You know, it's awfully dangerous to be out in the cold rain at this time, you could develop hypothermia. And do you always yell 'Bibliophile' when you're surprised?"

He looked at me then, and kind of just looked me over as if sizing me up or something, and I looked at him, taking in his features, his pale complexion, his bright blue eyes. He ignored my question, so I offered my help to see if he actually wanted any, and he looked almost too happy to accept. I introduced myself with a smile, and he smiled back and introduced himself, his name was Alex.

It was quite funny how clueless he was, he had just moved in and had no idea what his address was or what his number was. But since he was most likely part of the family that Kayla was talking about, I think I knew where he lived. Somewhere in her ramblings, I'm pretty sure she said they moved into some old house that was quite a walk from where we were.

We made small talk along the way, and I learned quite a bit about him. He was the same age as me, but was a grade ahead of me, said it was because he had skipped the 4th grade. He listened to some really weird music, he named bands I had never heard of like; Tegan and Sara, and Rilo Kilo, and some weird band named We Are Scientists. I told him about myself as well, things like that I was attending Forks' high school because I could take advanced classes there, and that I kept myself fit by eating right and walking.

I don't think he realized it, but I was leading him to where I figured he might live and was surprised to find out I got it right.

"Aw, darn we managed to find my house." he pouted a little and I could tell he didn't really want to be home.

I laughed a little and asked if being home was such a bad thing, and I think I might have given him a funny look, because his reply was that he was insane, and thoroughly so. He had told me quite bluntly that he didn't want to go home because he liked talking to me, and that it was very late and I should have headed home.

We said our goodbyes and I walked away, a bit later I heard who I presumed to be his mom yell, and laughed a little more smiling. The few hours it took me to walk back home were awfully slow, and I wished I had a little company. Normally company on my walks were nothing but a nuisance, but after walking with Alex today, it felt empty without someone to talk to.

I got home and looked at the clock on the kitchen stove, it was one in the morning. Mom was not going to be happy when she found out I came home this late. I walked further in, hoping to make it to my room without incident, but Leah must have heard me, because she was waiting for me outside my room.

"Where the hell have you been?!" she whispered low enough to not wake mom, but loud enough for me to hear the anger in it.

"I told I was going walking."

"Where the hell did you walk off to that you don't come back till one in the fucking morning?!  
"Mom was getting worried that you were out so late. She almost called Charlie." Charlie was Forks' chief of police, and I was pretty sure he had a thing for mom.

"I'm sorry, I was just walking and I got a little sidetracked. Won't happen again." I was getting a little angry, I just wanted to go lie down and sleep, not play Spanish Inquisition.

"Next time, because knowing you it _will_ happen again, call. At least." she was pleading with her eyes now, and she looked genuinely worried about me and I hated that I did that to her.

"Alright, I'll call next time. Goodnight Lee."

"Goodnight Sethy."

Finally, sleep. I lay in my bed without taking off my sopping wet clothes, and I'm asleep before I even have time to think about how great today had turned out to be.

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**A/N:** I'm not Jasper, I can't feel your emotions...so review. Or I'll find you and throw an angry monkey at you.


	3. Bad Blood

**A/N: **I'd appreciate even anonymous reviews, just leave an opinion please. Even if it's just a simple "I like it" or "Good" or even "Sucked Balls" just something so I have something to go on...

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Alex

I awoke Sunday extremely relaxed, until I looked at my clock. It was 2pm and I was still laying in bed, I had never slept this long before. Now I was a little irritated, why hadn't my mom woke me? Or dad? They know I hate sleeping in. I walked downstairs to grab myself a sandwich for lunch, seeing as it was too late for me to eat breakfast, and seen a post-it on the fridge.

'_Going to a welcoming party figured you didn't want to come, then I'm going shopping. We'll be back late, make yourself something for dinner._

_~Mom'_

Joy, I overslept because my parents weren't even home. Now I can't even be mad at them, I like being mad...I had thought about walking around Forks again, but it was too late now, if was going to gone as long as I was yesterday. I still had to go to bed a bit earlier tonight so I could wake for school the next day._ Oh great, school!. _I thought to myself, with bushels of sarcasm, I think I like sarcasm more than being mad.

Mom must have planned that we would arrive yesterday, because all of our large furnishings were already in the house when we arrived. The kitchen had also been furnished, there being our old fridge and a brand new dishwasher and stove-microwave. Our rooms had also had everything set up already; bed frames, dressers, desks and the like all ready to be stuffed with junk.

The day passed by slowly, I unpacked my clothes and other things so I could have a decent wardrobe. As I was finishing unpacking my clothes, I pulled out a shirt that reminded me of my friends. It was a dark green shirt I had designed myself using a stencil and an orange fabric paint, a picture of Frida Kahlo with her name in large print beneath it. It reminded me of a nickname my friends had given me because when I would draw myself, or paint myself I would give myself strange features, like a uni-brow, or a disproportional body, explaining it was how I saw myself in my art.

It also reminded me that I had yet to contact any of my friends yet and that I should call at least one of them. By the time I finished unpacking all my clothes, my closet was full and so was my one dresser. My room was big, but I didn't have much furnishings, so it seemed even bigger. I stood back to take a good look at my new room. My bed was against the back wall beneath a window, and my desk was perpendicular to it against the left wall. On the wall opposite my desk was my TV stand, and to the left of that was my dresser, the door to my room was opposite my bed, and my closet was next to my door.

I sighed contentedly and walked downstairs to the home phone to call up my best friend Jane. His name was Jason, but we were talking about that show 'Daria' one day, and he was able to do such a perfect impression of Jane Lane that the name seemed to fit just a little too well. I got to the phone, and dialed his number, he answered on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" I asked

"Hey! whats up Bitchtits!" he answered

"Ha-ha. Nothing much, just thought I'd call _somebody_ to a) let everyone know I was alive and b) to alleviate some boredom."

"Ooh, have watched the new episode of _House_?"

"No Jane, I haven't. I've told you countless times, I don't like it, or _Grey's Anatomy_, or _Scrubs._ The only hospital show I like is _Dr. G. Medical Examiner._"

"Aw, well you should!"

We talked our normal random banter about our favorite comedians, and music, and of course the usual bout of gossip about the stupidest people, for about an hour. When I looked at the clock and seen it was almost 6 o'clock I realized I was getting hungry again and should probably call up a pizza.

"Hey, Jane sorry but I gotta go, I'm starving."

"Whatever, just remember not to overeat, you get fat that way." he said jokingly. "Call you later!"

"Yea, right, bye bye!"I said sarcastically. All my friends always said they would call later, but they never would. It was a small pet peeve that I always just let slide, I had gotten used to the disappointment that my friends never called each other back, and that we would always call each other at random when we became bored.

I ordered up two medium pizzas and asked for them to be delivered, and went up to my parents room to grab the cash I would need to pay for it later. I sat down in the living and picked up some books I set out for myself earlier. I started with this book my parents had bought me a few years ago _Summerland_, it was about a boy who was suck-ish at baseball, but was also connected to it in a weird supernatural way, in that he was destined to be great at it. He ends up going on this weird inter-dimensional journey to save the world from the bad guy, Trickster. I hate sports, but it was a good read so I found it more interesting that it probably was.

About half an hour later I heard the doorbell ring, and was thrilled the pizza had finally arrived and all but jumped from my seat to answer the door. I opened the door and snatched the pizzas out of the delivery boy's hands without even looking at his face, and gave him the money to pay for them.

"Keep the change!" I said with much enthusiasm, glad the pizza finally arrived, then closed the door before he was able to say anything back. I kind of felt bad that I had been so rude, but I was so hungry I didn't really want to think about it. I sat at the kitchen table and popped the box open, grabbing a slice and biting it right up to it's middle point. I guess I was a bit too careless and the hot pizza burned my tongue badly so I tried to swallow it to ease the pain, but only succeeded in burning my throat as well

I set the piece of pizza down to cool, and went to a cupboard to see if mom had unpacked the cups yet, and lucky for me she did. It took me a bit of looking but I found them and headed for the pantry to see if mom had also packed us some green tea, I loved tea, I drank tea like it was water. While I was waiting for the tea to simmer, the door bell rang and it scared me silly. I wasn't expecting anyone so it I was a little surprised that someone would be stopping by.

I opened the door, and stood shocked at what was before me. A police officer stood at my door and introduced himself as Charlie, Chief of police. He asked if it was the Rolicheck residence, and I quietly muttered a 'Yea', he then asked if he could come in and I nodded without really thinking, he suggested I take a seat, and that he had some not-so-great news for me.

"I'm sorry to have to say this, but your parents have been in an accident. A drunk driver collided with their car. Your dad miraculously made it out unscathed, but your mom had to be rushed to the hospital."

"..." I was shocked, words just couldn't describe how I was feeling. It was something like having the carpet pulled from beneath your feet while simultaneously falling into a river with really heavy clothes on.

"If you'd like, I could drive you to the hospital so you can see them." it was more of a statement and I agreed with a nod, trying my best to not just break down.

I followed him to his police cruiser and he said I could sit in the passenger's seat on the way there. I had almost forgotten to breathe when we pulled up at the hospital, and I was sort of still trying to explode into a panic attack. We walked through the doors, and up to a desk and Charlie asked where my mom was. After getting her room number, and some directions on how to get there, we walked down several hallways leading to where she was resting.

We reached her room and Charlie stood off a little to the side, allowing me my space to see my mom alone. My hand reached out for the door handle, but I couldn't bring myself to open the door yet, fears consuming my mind about what state she might be in. With her being in a room I knew it couldn't be all to bad, but it could always get worse and my usual dark train of thoughts had me hyperventilating. Because even though I thought of much more morbid, decrepit things before, they had always been about a faceless stranger, I had never thought anything could ever happen to my mom. Call it teenager naiveté, but for the longest time I had never thought anyone close to me, my parents of all people, could be seriously injured.

I felt tears finally break free, and I wiped them away with the back of hand. I put my hand on the door handle and pushed it open, finding new resolve to face this quickly. In my mind, I would just do this fast and get it over with, feel the sting then move past it. Like taking off a band-aid. A band-aid held down with super-glue.

I looked at my mom and almost had a breakdown when I seen how battered and bruised she looked. Her arms were heavily bandaged and her forehead had several stitches. Her face had smaller bandages over places where there were obviously lacerations caused by the glass, her blood soaking through it all. Her legs were supported with casts and there were tubes everywhere. I looked her over several times, taking in everything I can, knowing that I just wouldn't be able to come back. It would hurt far too much. I tore my eyes away with much difficulty to see my dad, sleeping in one of the chairs scooted as close to the bed as possible, and took a good look at him.

He was as Charlie said, unscathed. He got away without anything wrong with him, what did he do to be left so much better than my mom. It may seem like I hate my dad, and I could almost say I do. He never accepted me for who I was, always trying to just shove me away. He constantly criticized my 'manliness' saying that I was always too 'gay' to be _his _son, and that I must have been the mailman's baby. Sometimes I thought he'd be kidding, but other times when he was pissed off, or drunk, he would speak his mind. No filter at all, his words would sting and hurt, and then one day I just gave up trying to be accepted by my father. I would rather it be him in the hospital bed, and my mother sitting in the chair.

I'd rather not be looking at my mother's cinnamon curls sprawled on a pillow, with her almost-brown skin looking ashen and pale. My mother used to look as if she was glowing, and now in the bed, she looked as if she couldn't even find the energy to blink an eye. I hated my father now, hated him with a passion, and there's nothing that could fix this. I felt myself filling with rage, a fury uncontrolled. I turned around and walked away, but not before giving my mother a quick goodbye, before I did something horribly wrong, no matter how right it seemed in my head.

When I exited, Charlie had gone, and I wondered how the hell I was going to get home now. I needed to go to school tomorrow, staying near my dad, alone, was just something I couldn't do anymore. I blamed him too much, and knowing myself, bad things would happen if I couldn't control myself. And I hardly could as it was. I may be skinny and lack serious muscle, but I had taken two years of karate and learned enough to remember how to seriously hurt someone, whether they were bigger than me or not.

I started walking out of the halls, almost getting lost, but eventually finding my way. I made it to the entrance area and saw Charlie sitting on a chair. I asked him to take me home and he agreed with a questioning look.

"I have school tomorrow, and I'm not missing it to be around my dad. I just can't be alone with him."

I had my head down, afraid that if he seen my eyes, he would be able to see the murderous intent I found myself thinking when I thought of being in a room alone with him.

"Right...well, if something goes wrong don't hesitate to try and get in touch. I'll offer any help I can. I'm sure my step-son wouldn't mind helping anytime you need." he offered me a card with numbers scribbled on them, one of them his home phone number, the other his number to contact him at his station.

"Thanks, but I think I'll be fine." I lied. I'll never be the same again. Nothing will be the same. I would never get into a car willingly again, I'd rather walk everywhere. Especially since I see myself never leaving this small town, it worked out perfectly for me.

He drove me home in silence, and I greeted it comfortably. When he pulled up to my house I thanked him again, and went inside going straight to my bed, needing sleep. I set my alarm and let my head just plop onto my pillow, before I knew it, I was in an uncomfortable sleep.

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**A/N: **Review please, I'm not a mind reader, even then reading minds across the interwebs must be terribly difficult.


	4. Rise Up With Fists

**A/N:** I'm kind of confused right now, I'm not sure if this story is doing okay or not. I go on reading other fanfics and then it only makes me sad that I suck at writing...Review plox!

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I woke from a fitful sleep, dreading the day to come. We had lived here not even 48 hours and already I hated it more than I could possibly hate anything. Why did the universe always find a way to make me feel miserable? I almost contemplated staying home but quickly abandoned the thought, I wouldn't be able to stand it if dad came home.

I decided to dress the way I felt today. I would wear a shirt that I had designed after a shirt I had seen on the Internet. It was red and in nice white letters it had "I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE", but before the words there are three hearts in decreasing size, and a giant three colored rainbow beneath the words. I love it more for it's pictured irony, who puts sad things by hearts and rainbows? I do. Though the irony is there, some days the words hold more truth than the shirt presents and I long for the cold vice of death to take me. Like today. I wore with it some black jeans that were tight fitting at the thigh but loosened at the calf and kind of poofed out at the ankle, almost like bell bottoms but not so bell-y and a black, zip-up sweater that fit a little tight, showing off what little muscle I have.

The clothes make me look like a manically depressed teen as it is, but the final touch comes with the hair. Side-swept bangs that cover one eye, and spiked in the back, it makes me look like Scotty Vanity if he were to dye his hair a dark color, and that's the way I want it.

Pleased with the way I'm dressed, I gather the necessary things for my first day at Forks' High school, even though it's the middle of the school year. With my messenger bag, wallet and I pod in tow, I set out on my walk to school. I would have had a ride, but now for obvious reasons I think I'd rather walk.

I put my headphones in and turn on my I pod, needing something to distract my thoughts and something with a good bass-y beat. I set my I pod to play Crystal Castles and start my walk, my feet moving in step with the bass. I'm surprised at how well this calmed me and just let the beat take control, dance-walking down the streets of Forks. People look at me funny as they see me walk by, but the looks I'm getting are all to familiar to the looks I got in California, the only differences being the streets and the people. The looks are all the same, and if I had any longer cared what they thought, I would have just started walking like everyone else. But I don't so I won't.

I get to Forks' High in a reasonable amount of time, enough before classes start to pick up my schedule from the secretary and to be noticed as the 'new kid' by some students. The new looks I was getting were starting to unsettle me, random people on the street I can deal with, but other kids that I might need to see everyday were a whole other situation for me. I put my I pod away, and tried to study the map on the back of my schedule, so I wouldn't need to ask for help finding my classes but the bell had rung just as I figured out where my first class was situated.

English. I both loathed and loved it. It's loathed because there are always those stupid projects, like some kind of report and analysis of a poem. And loved because I can't get enough of the English language, loathed more because there are so many stupid rules that constrict 'rational' English to the stream of thoughts that I just want to put to a page and have them make sense. Loved even more because I can do that and it wouldn't really matter, I can write an entire story in a stream of consciousness and someone will find it interesting.

I loathed it more today, because it's my first day here and of course it's the day the teacher assigns a project. Lucky me, it was a group assignment on the analysis of Edgar Allen Poe's _The Island of The Fae_, not a poem, but an extremely short story. I was partnered with a random girl who introduced herself as Kiara, she was..._different_, she dressed like most sensible teenage girls with money, in some pretty damn expensive clothes. But she loved the darkness of Poe, something not most people really learn to actually _enjoy_, the most enjoyment I got out of reciting Poe is the joy when I stopped. But most probably because I annoyed my friends to death with repeat performances of _The Bells_, easily identifiable as the most annoying thing he has ever written...

"I really love this story, the beauty and sadness he puts into it is...well, beautiful." she just looked like she exploded with joy...

"Yeah, it is beautiful. So, what do you think it means?" I ask, seeing as thats the assignment.

"I think it's-" she was cut off by the bell signaling the end of class, "Darn, guess we'll continue this later. If you want you can come sit with me and a few friends at lunch?"

"Maybe, I might find someone more interesting to sit with within the next two classes." I answered honestly, because I'm a brutal asshole like that and that's what my old friends always loved about me. It's why even girls would come up to me and ask my opinion, because I wasn't just being an asshole. If you looked as if you had J-Lo's ass in that dress, I'd tell you, if your bangs made your forehead huge, I'd straight up say, _"Your forehead's ginormous, you shouldn't have cut your bangs. You look like shit now..."_

She looked a little offended that I was saying that but, accepted it none the less. I just wasn't sure I was all that ready to even eat lunch with other people, I was used to lunch with my friends, outside, with an obnoxious burning on my back from the sun. Here, I'd be eating inside, with people I didn't really care to know, because none of them would ever compare to my friends. But I'd try, because trying is all I can do.

I got to my second class in no time, only needing to glance at the map to get a general direction of where I need to go. Social Sciences were never really my thing, but the teacher was quite cool, the only thing we did was take notes from an overhead projector, and he said that that was all we do. Notes for a couple days and then review work for the chapter, and then the test on the chapter. I had met a few people, and made friends with a girl named Kathy. She had this weird, semi-slut thing going on, she had worn jeans that were so torn, she might as well had worn short shorts, and some kind of top that looked like a halter with spaghetti straps. It was ugly but she was nice enough that I didn't care.

The class went by pretty smoothly, and quickly. Next class, not so much. Gym had always been one of my least favorite subjects, I only take it to keep me moving so I don't get all fatty. I may do a lot of walking but a little extra exercise never hurts. We had to play basketball, but lucky me, I had no change of clothes for it so they let me sit it out. I got sit around and do absolutely nothing, sitting and staring, staring and sitting. It got boring fast, and I was so glad the bell rang I almost tripped trying to escape.

Finally it was lunch, seeing as I hadn't eaten a breakfast, I was starving. I walked into the cafeteria not even bothering to look for a table yet, and went straight in line to buy some food. I picked up a a round, greasy thing that appeared to be a cookie and a water bottle along with several bags of baked chips. After paying for my cheap, yet filling lunch, I now realized I had no clue where to sit. I looked around a bit, I see Kathy waving me down, and so is Seth. Having a choice between either of them though, I think I'd rather hang with Seth, he was so much more friendly, and Kathy still had that semi-slut vibe going 'round.

"Hi Seth!"

"Hey Alex, sit here." he pats down the seat right next to him and moves his bag over so there's room on the table. "Guys, this is Alex. Alex this is Mallory, Alex, Aiesha, and Alex." They all waved and said hi and I sheepishly waved back.

Mallory had short brown hair in an a-line bob cut, she was fair skinned and looked to be fairly tall, Alex had shoulder length wavy hair and looked to be the shortest out of the group, Aiesha looked pacific islander with straight black hair in an asymmetric a-line cut. The other Alex was big, almost intimidatingly so, with short dirty blond hair that she had up in a small ponytail.

Lunch went on and there was an interesting discussion going on about how 'Blond Alex' was an obvious lesbian and that she totally had the hots for Aiesha, and then they would go on and act all silly with Aiesha sitting in Alex's lap while she would jokingly say things such as, "Oh, yes! My love for you radiates with the burning passion of a billion suns!", it was strange, yes, but also kind of funny because she blatantly wasn't lesbian although she would play along.

With all the joking going around the table, I felt extremely at ease with everyone. I found them genuinely funny and interesting, I could see myself sitting with Seth and his friends the rest of the year. The bell rang then, killing my wonderful thoughts of what lunch with this very enjoyable group would be if I were here, everyday. Seth had gotten up and was standing next to me, asking me which class I had next.

"So, where to next?"

"Um, I think it's math." I said.

"Ooh, yay! I have math next!" he was smiling wide, "Maybe we have the same class."

"That'd be just awesome!" I was so elated I was on the verge of sarcasm, and upon further inspection I found we did have the same class, "Yay, we do! Let's go!"

We left the cafeteria, walking to our next class and making meaningless talk that never seemed to grow boring. As we walked down the hall other people had bumped into us, making us bump into each other, which caused fits of laughing and people to start staring. We walked into class and I introduced myself to the teacher.

"Go sit where you want, I'll be changing the seating arrangement soon anyways."

"Thank you." I whisked myself away and took the empty seat next to Seth that he saved for me.

"Hey, how about you come over to my house later? I don't think I really want to be home alone tonight."

"Okay, I'll just have to go home to tell my sister, she gets kind of antsy if she doesn't know where I am." he looked kind of skittish when talking about his home, so I never bothered to prod for information about his household. He gave me the same respect as I all but turned cold when he asked how my parents were doing. I snapped at him with a "_Their Fine!_", feeling bad that I snapped I apologized.

"Look, Seth, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that," I took a deep breath and sighed, " it's just...I don't even know, I'm just really...it's hard for me to even explain myself..."

"No, it's okay. I only asked because Charlie had said your mom was in an accident." he was frowning now, I think it was the first time I had seen it. I now hated that frown, it seemed so out of place, making Seth frown should be illegal.

"Oh...how do you know Charlie? I thought he was the Chief of Police in Forks..." I was a little more than curious about how he knew him.

"Well...He's kind of dating to my mom-" I cut him off.

"Oh, so you must be his 'stepson' he was trying to introduce me to. He was trying to say I could talk to you and what-not. You know, to make myself feel better and all that jazz."

"Ew, he called me his _stepson?_ Oh god...I hope he...I...just...eww." It was funny watching Seth squirm, it was like watching a caterpillar crawl. It just looked funny.

Class passed by relatively quickly with Seth around, before I knew it the bell had rung and I was on my way to the next class. This one unfortunately didn't pass as fast as math with Seth, but it offered enough distraction for me not to care. Learning alternate languages is always a distracting chore.


	5. Happy

**A/N:** I seriously doubt that anyone is actually enjoying this, I get hits but no comments,  
You make me sad...

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Class passed by relatively quickly with Seth around, before I knew it the bell had rung and I was on my way to the next class. This one unfortunately didn't pass as fast as math with Seth, but it offered enough distraction for me to not care. Learning alternate languages is always a distracting chore.

The bell rang and I was all but overjoyed, I had taken enough classes in California to have more than the necessary amount of classes to graduate without needing to take a full schedule. So I had my entire last class, without a class. I thought that this would be a great time to get some homework done, so I could spend less time worrying about what I didn't do in the morning.

After managing to finish most of my work in the library for my classes, the bell rang and with a dull sense of joy I got out of the chair I was sitting in to begin my walk home. As I was leaving the buildings to begin my walk home, I saw Seth getting into an old car waving goodbye to me, so I too waved him goodbye as he pulled out of the parking lot and left.

My walk home wasn't as jovial as the walk to school, the only songs that plagued my Ipod this time tended to be those of the emo rock variety. Bands such as Silverstein, Bullet for my Valentine and Escape the Fate clouded my mind with thoughts of the rather sad kind. Fortunately for me though, I wasn't focused on my music much, and was paying much more attention to pointless things; the distance between my steps, the amount of visible cracks in the concrete, and the strange design that settled on the gray surface after walking through a bit of water.

I was surprised that when it came to the last few minutes of my walk that a more feminist song started blasting through my headphones, filling my brainwaves with the desire to just scream and jump around to _Rebel Girl_ by Bikini Kill.

_That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood,  
__She's got the hottest trike in town.  
__That girl she holds her head up so high,  
__I think I wanna be her best friend,.Yeah! _

_Rebel girl, Rebel girl, Rebel girl,  
__you are the queen of my world.  
__Rebel girl, Rebel girl,  
__I think I wanna take you home  
__I wanna try all your clothes on. _

I don't know what it is about this girl band that drives me crazy, but I think it's the lack of brain-filter in most of their lyrics. In some of the songs, they just blatantly scream how bad they want sex, or how _'Sixteen year old girls give carnies head, for free rides and hits of pot.' _It makes me laugh. But by the time I get home, I was on a natural high of adrenaline pumped music, and I just couldn't wait to fill my volume addiction. Whenever certain music gets me into this mood, I just need to listen to music so loud that it utterly destroys my thought process.

It puts my brain in this abyss of music and lyrics, that halts all thoughts and all I hear or think are the loud sounds of guitars, drums, and raspy voices. The abyss slowly fills though, and when it starts to overflow, my ears hurt and the drums within start to vibrate to the sound waves and I start to literally _feel_ them go into my ear to be processed into proper thoughts.

I walked up to my bedroom and decided on a quick shower before Seth got here, I found myself wanting to look nice for company. Something I hardly ever did, even for my good friends back in California. But maybe that was because gay friends like to get you looking nice themselves, there was hardly a day at my best friend's house that he didn't style everyone's hair or comment their choice of clothing.

I quickly restyled my hair, and put on a plain, light blue tee and a pair of plaid shorts. I gave myself a one-over, making sure I liked what I saw. I walked out to the living room and plopped myself down on the couch to watch some Discovery Channel; it always has the best shows.

While watching Cash Cab, the most awesome game show invented if you ask me, the phone rang and I jumped up to answer. I walked with a quickened pace to the phone, hoping it was Seth with the okay from his sister, and picked it up with hearty, happy, high-pitched "Hello."

What surprised me was the voice on the end, it was my ex-boyfriend.

"Hi, Alex...it's Taylor..." I was stupefied, I hadn't heard from him in almost two years. And was hoping to keep it that way.

"Um...hi?" it was more a question than anything, I wondered how he had even gotten our new number.

"I just called to see how you were,I had heard from...well, uh...someone...that your mom was in an accident..."

"Okaay..." It was all I could think to say, I had broken up with him after I found out he was cheating on me,"Well...I'm fine, so I guess you can hang up now."

"Wait..." he trailed off, and was now breathing heavily into the phone, as if he were nervous.

"Well, are you gonna say something? Or am I just going to need to hang up?" I was getting a little angry, _I really don't want to talk to you!_

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Okay, Alex-"

I cut him off, "Just a second Tay, someone's at the door," I walked towards the door and called out "Just a second."

I opened the door and lo and behold it was Seth, "Oh, hi Seth," I waved him in as I stood to the side to let him in, "come on in."

"Alex?! Hey, are you still there?" I heard his voice become quite panicky.

"Yes, I'm still here," I said exasperated, "I was kind of busy letting my friend in."

"Oh, well...may I ask who it is?"

"Um, I guess. It's just a friend I made at school," I showed Seth to the kitchen and told him that if he were hungry, to eat, "he's a really cool guy, with some kick ass friends."

"Really? Cooler than me?" was this guy serious? Was my ex-boyfriend getting jealous?

"Way cooler than you, because A) We're not dating and B) He didn't put my heart through a blender set to 'milkshake'. Why? Getting a little jealous?"

"No!" he replied all too quickly for it to be believable. _Jeebus, jealous ex-boyfriends are crazy._

"Hey Alex," Seth said, "who you talking to?"

"Oh no one, just my ex-boyfriend." I think after I said boyfriend Seth got a little tense and weirded out.

"Oh...I...didn't know you were...well...yea..." he seemed a bit flustered until he went and sang "_Awwkwaaard" _while making the Awkward Turtle thingy. I loved that turtle, my old friends did it all the time.

I laughed at his response, to which he seemed to calm down a little, "I'm not gay if that's what you were leading to. I'm Bi."

"Oh...Oh, okay...still a bit awkward for me. I mean, how can anyone not be attracted to my oh so hot body?" he loosened up a bit, and from the giant smile on his face I could tell he was having fun being vain.

"Oh yes, your body is sooo awesome!" I laughed, and so did he, and it was wonderful.

"Hellooo!! Alex! Don't forget you're on the phone with me," Oops, I did forget I was on the phone with him.

"Okay, you know what? I'm done with you, I was done with you two years ago. I don't know how you got my number, but please, don't call again." I hung up before he could say anything, pretty sure that that would piss him off.

"Okay, now with the pesky ex-boyfriend gone, what would you like to do?" I asked with a smile.

"I don't know, what do you usually do with your friends back home?"

"Well, normally we just sit around, watch Project Runway or some weird indie film, " he looked at me a little funny when I mentioned Project Runway but let me keep going, "or we all just stand in a kitchen while about two of us cook. And anyways, I only watch Project Runway because gay best friends suck sometimes, and there happened to be two of them against me. Indie films are always fun though."

"...Wow, sounds like your friends were really...I guess...Different," Seth looked a little lost in thought, "only thing fun to do around La Push is either the beach or jumping from cliffs."

I kind of cringed when he mentioned cliff jumping and he noticed, "Do you not like cliff diving?"

"No, I don't like it...bad experiences," I deadpanned and looked down, taking sudden interest in my shoes and how the laces seemed to be getting twisted and discolored.

"Oh...umm...well, do you want to maybe go for a walk?" he was looking a little hopeful, as if I was going to do something weird if we stayed in the house, "You know, just to get out of the house? I could never really cook, and we don't get any Indie Film Channels around here. Though we might, I never really watch TV much so I wouldn't know."

"Yeah, sure. Lemme just go get my iPod. I like to music while I walk." I walked up the stairs to my room to grab my iPod of it's docking station and headed out when I seen Seth in the doorway to my room.

"You like to music? I was unaware that 'music' was a verb," he smirked while he leaned against the door frame, blocking my exit.

"Yes, to me it is. Because I more than just listen to music, I feel the music, I try to understand the music," I paused and smiled, "I try to practically fall in love with music. It helps calm me, keeps me from thinking about certain things.

"It's like a gateway into a personal heaven, where all I see, feel, hear, _smell – even taste_ - is music. It's my light at the end, the only thing I can truly trust to keep me attached to anything." I stopped there, sure that in my explanation I freaked him out.

"Okay, now that my rant on music is done, lets get going on that walk." I started walking towards my door, arms swinging and purposefully taking large steps in a '_lets get going_' kind of motion.

"Wait," he pushed forward past me, "I wanna check out your room."

He walked into my room and sat himself on my bed, eyes scanning the walls, taking in the posters of bands on the walls that I had recently put up, and the mess that somehow manages to accumulate itself on my floor.

He saw my books, and sent me a curious glance. "You read a lot of books."

I giggled, "Yeah, it's what I use to keep in what music has failed," I walked up to them and picked one out, "My giant book of almost all the Edgar Allen Poe ever written is my favorite. If only for the fact that along with all his emotionally deep, dark stories, he found time to write comedy as well."

"Oh really? I didn't know he wrote anything of comedic value."

"You should read some sometime. My favorite tends to be either "Diddling" or "The Angel of the Odd", their both great short stories." I smiled lovingly at my book, running my fingers down the pages of the table of contents, looking for my favorite poem.

"Here, you should read this poem," I pointed to the page as I showed him the name of the poem, "it's both depressing and enjoying all in one."

"You mean _A P__æ__an_?" he queried while opening up to said poem.

"Yeah, that one," I watched his eyes scanning the pages, freezing every now and then to check the name of the story or poem that was on the page only to move again, until finally he stopped.

"Read it out loud."

"Huh?" he looked up at me with a befuddled expression.

"Read it out loud, it'll sound better."

"Okay...

How shall the burial rite be read?  
The solemn song be sung?  
The requiem for the loveliest dead,  
That ever died so young?

Her friends are gazing on her,  
And on her gaudy bier,  
And weep!-oh! to dishonor  
Dead beauty with a tear!

They loved her for her wealth-  
And they hated her for her pride-  
But she grew in feeble health,  
And they _love_ her-that she died.

They tell me (while they speak  
Of her 'costly broider'd pall')  
That my voice is growing weak-  
That I should not sing at all-

Or that my tone should be  
Tuned to such a solemn song  
So mournfully-so mournfully,  
That the dead may feel no wrong.

But she is gone above,  
With young Hope at her side,  
And I am drunk with love  
Or the dead, who is my bride.-

Of the dead, who is my bride.-  
All perfumed there,  
With the death upon her eyes,  
And the life upon her hair.

Thus on the coffin loud and long  
I strike-the murmer sent  
Through the grey chambers to my song,  
Shall be the accompaniment.

Thou diedst in thy life's June-  
But thou didst not die too fair:  
Thou didst not die too soon,  
Nor with with too calm an air.

From more than friends on earth,  
Thy life and love are riven,  
To join the untainted mirth  
Of more than thrones in heaven-

Therefore, to thee this night  
I will no requiem raise,  
But wait thee on thy flight,  
With a Pæan of old days.

Wow...that was depressing and enjoyable."

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**A/N: **Because I just love to put these at both the end and beginning,

Reviews please. Even if it's just a simple.

"cool" or "Sucks" or "great" or "I like it"

Just leave something


	6. So Complicated

**A/N:** Okay, we're now getting to what I would call the super-major-conflict.  
Of course it's not the only one, just a super-major-one. :P

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We left after that, walking out into the bitter, cold afternoon air. The walk was spent doing almost nothing but talking, and the moments of silence being filled by my more than loud iPod.

The rain had started coming down in a light drizzled, but had started to come down hard, pelting my skin with it's icy droplets. It had been almost three hours since we had left and Seth needed to be leaving soon if he was going to get home at a reasonable time.

"Seth, I think we should be getting home about now," I stopped to look at him, "it's starting to get late, and the rain is starting to actually hurt me." I smiled and pulled on his arm in the other direction, showing him there was no continuing this walk.

"Alright, but are you seriously going to walk back home? It's pretty far from here, and I don't live much further. You could maybe spend the night?" It sounded like one of those offers people hand out to be nice, but secretly _want_ you to turn down.

"No, it's okay. I can walk home." I turned myself to start walking and we walked together in silence, until he had to leave.

"Okay, well. I gotta turn here," he motioned to the intersection we were quickly coming upon, "I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, can't wait to sit around with you guys at lunch again," I smiled and said my goodbye as he walked away and turned his head to do the same.

I once again dance-walk my way home, bouncing my head to the beat of The Postal Service's _Nothing Better, _and _Brand New Colony_. The second song finishes, and I have the urge to just listen to Regina Spektor So I do.

I don't understand why, but I get these cravings. There not normal cravings, their musical cravings, vocal cravings. Just the_ need_ to hear a specific sound, a specific beat, or even a specific voice. Anything to try to help me understand the way it feels. The way this feels.

I know what is happening. And I don't like it, not one bit. I feel remorse, regret. My feelings of vengeance long gone. My mood swing giving me a headache, _Why am I always such a girl?!_ I'll be angry one moment, happy the next. But I guess it's one of the few select things I enjoy about myself, I can never stay mad at anyone for too long.

I make it home without getting lost this time, and when I open the door I'm not shocked that Dad is sitting on the couch. He's just sitting there, the TV is off, the newspaper's on the small coffee table next to the couch, and he's just sitting there.

"Dad...I'm sorry," he turned to look at me, "you don't know what I'm sorry for, but I am sorry."

"She's gone..." he ignored my apologies and spoke the only two words that could kill me. There were tears in his eyes, and I could tell he had been crying since long before I got home. "She's gone," he said again, quieter this time, almost talking to himself.

And I broke then. I crashed to the floor, I lay there in a fetal position, bringing my knees as close to my chest as possible. I rocked back and forth and lost myself, I must have just shut down, because the rest of the night passed by in somewhat of a blur. I remember getting up, tears streaming down my face, and just walking upstairs like my dad hadn't said anything and went to bed. I slept dreamlessly and woke to a tear-drenched pillow. I had overslept and decided to just stay home, I don't think dad would have cared much.

I had planned to get ready and spend another great day with Seth and his- no, my new friends. And now it looks like that would have to wait for a different time. When I'm not contemplating the different ways to kill myself, the ways that I so clearly have set before me.

"Hmmm. Hang myself? Cut myself?...Maybe the most painless would be to just overdose..." I was staring down at the noose I had made, a kitchen knife, and some strong painkillers when Dad walked in then, eying the materials I had set out before me.

"Alex...What are you doing?" he looked drained, and empty. A hollow shell of the man he used to be.

"Isn't it obvious?" I turned back to look him straight in the face, "I'm trying to see which method of suicide would be the quickest, and least painful."

Dad looked shocked that I was actually thinking about ways to kill myself. "...where did you get all this?" he was still standing in the door, looking down at me, "And, you know what. No. You're not doing this. I...just no."

He walked in then, grabbing all my tools off the floor and walked out of the room. It's not like it'll really stop me. I can kill myself without all those things. _Ooh, idea. How about drowning?_ Nope, too much water burn.

I had started an argument with myself over ways to off myself, when I stopped and tried to think about why I was doing this. _Mom's gone...I always told myself if anything were to happen to her...I would...why all the procrastination?_

I was scared. Scared of dying, of the unknown that lies with death. But with the unknown and the fear, came curiosity. _What was it like to be dead?_ What would happen? Do humans just stop existing? But energy doesn't just die, it wears itself away with time. Does that mean the body's residual energy may last out a while?

_What _HAPPENS?!?

I thought hard, formulated, planned, deciding a fate that I would seal myself. While I sat and planned, morning turned to afternoon, and I found myself exceedingly starving. This would be part one of my own death, the refusal to eat.

I kept myself busy, plotting further the things that would lead me to a mostly painless, yet horrifically slow suicide, and reading, reading, and more reading.

Afternoon was turning to night, and the sun was slowly setting, I was surprised when I heard someone knock on the front door. I walked down my stairs slowly, very aware that my dad was in the living room, and that I was coming out of my room for the first time in nearly sixteen hours.

I walk up to the door, and lightly grasped the knob, unsure if I want to open it now that I was at the damned thing.

I opened the door and blacked out when I had seen who was at the the door. One look at that face, and I was out like a light. Why? Why him? Why was he here? My questions would have to wait 'till later, because being unconscious doesn't get you anywhere.

I must have been passed out for quite some time, because the sky was still dark, yet my alarm clock read 2:00 am. I wasn't as surprised this time to see Taylor, only now he's sitting in my room, on a chair, without a blanket.

_Idiot_. I thought to myself, he'd catch a cold in this weather. I got as quietly as possible, and headed to my closet to retrieve a spare blanket I had kept in there. I walked over to him and lightly placed it over him, ensuring it covered all of him before I went back and lied in my bed.

I couldn't sleep, so I just lied down, and looked at Tay. It had almost been two years since I actually _looked_ at him, he hadn't changed much.

His tall, toned body, with his fair skin and, what I would call midsummer brown hair, disheveled and slightly falling past his ears and into his face, had him looking as beautiful as I remembered. His brown eyes, shut in sleep, were rapidly moving behind his lids. His long legs looking awkwardly uncomfortable and scrunched.

I watched him sleep, his peaceful face and steadying breaths lulling me into my own slumber.

I awoke again, this time to my alarm clock, I smacked it in hopes of shutting up the incessant beeping it was spewing. I missed, and instead slammed my hand on a thumbtack that had been sitting beside it. Don't ask how it got there, it was there for some idiot reason that probably seemed decent at the moment.

"GrapesApplesStrawbananas!!!!" I screamed in pain and almost flew backwards when, after yelling, Taylor rushed through my door slamming it into the wall. I pulled the tack out and threw it at the floor angrily.

"Alex, are you okay?" Taylor rushed to me and grabbed the hand I was holding to my mouth, sucking the blood, and pulled it away to see the damage.

"I'm fricken fine. Just managed to stab my hand on a blasted thumbtack!" I got up to get a band-aid but Taylor had beaten me to it.

"Here. A band-aid." he grabbed my hand again, and carefully placed the band-aid on the small hole that was spewing mountains of blood.

"Thanks, I would have done it myself you know." I said half-angrily. Early morning wake-ups aren't really my thing.

"Well, I was coming up to check on you, and I had the band-aid in my pocket already..." he trailed off after, looking down at the floor as he did so.

"You had a band-aid already? What, were you _expecting_ me to hurt myself?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, you never were one for the joys of having open wounds." he looked up into my eyes and held my gaze.

He even now, after two years, could make me feel things all over again. The fact that he knew me enough to prepare for the random damages I caused myself, to already have the way to make me feel better, made me feel all over again.

And I hated it. I hated that he could still take my breath away with his ungodly beauty. His masculine beauty, that only people like him and Seth could have.

I looked him in the eyes and with the most clear voice I had, I spoke the words I've been dying to say, "I hate you."

He cringed away from me, and hung his head dejectedly. "I know," he raised his head and looked at me through his eyelashes, "but it doesn't mean I don't care about you."

Who does he think he is? He cheated on me, and _he _still cares? Bullshit. And so I tell him.

"Bullshit. You don't care, you stopped caring the day you were all over someone else." My eyes started that tell-tale burning, and I was forcing away the memory of that day.

"What do you mean? If I remember right, you're the one who broke us up. Not the other way around." he was getting angry now.

"Oh. Oh, yes, it's all my fault that one year, eleven months, and 23 days ago, the day you ruined _us_, the day I found _you_ making out with someone, yes. That's. All. My. Fault." I huffed and narrowed my eyes, "And it didn't have to be just anyone, no. It just had to be the most beautiful girl in all the school, the captain of the Cheer leading Squad, Elizabeth _Fuckin_ Porter. Yeah, way to show _you care!"_

"You're blaming Eli for this? She neve-" he stopped mid-sentence and his face did that _'oh shit' _face, you know the one. The one where they realize they did something they couldn't remember.

"You had seen that? Why didn't you tell me?!" he looked desperate, as if I would have believed anything he would have been able to tell me. Mistake or no, he wouldn't have been able to repair what had broken in me that day.

"It wouldn't have made a difference." I whispered, "Even if you were to tell me it was all a misunderstanding, there was still hurt, there was still betrayal...there was still doubt."

I was crying now, it was the middle of the fricken morning, I had just woken up, and he made me cry.

"You suck at _'good morning's_ I hope you know, I just woke up and already you have me in tears."

I rocked myself back and laid myself on my bed and I cried for what seemed to be a forever. I cried for all the times I hadn't cried before. I cried for my mom, I cried for my friends, I cried for the relationship that ended on pretenses, I cried and cried, and cried.

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**A/N:** Next chapter should be up within the next two weeks :)  
Reviews prevent me from killing Pandas...


	7. Two For My Seconds

**A/N: **_Here's the next lovely chapter of my story._ Thank you to anyone who's even reading this.  
I do check the traffic I get, and I'm surprised that anyone even makes it to the last updated chapter.  
Half the time the number of people who make it to the end,  
Is only a fraction of the people who even bother with the first two chapters  
Thank you, really, just...thanks.

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The day seemed to drag on and on, I ate breakfast shortly after my breakdown, but I refused to speak. If Taylor or my father asked me anything, I just grunted. It's message was short, sweet, and to the point; Leave me the fuck alone.

I still had feelings for Tay, I've known this. I hated it, but I always liked to think I was moving on. That when I was lonely it wasn't his arms I imagined comforting me, that it wasn't his scent I compared to everyone else's.

After breakfast I went back to my room and listened to the softer music on my iPod, I listened to Meg & Dia, She & Him, and even some Shadow Puppet Theatre. I let the calming emotions of the soft sound of the lyrics lull me, eventually placing me in a comforting sleep.

I woke up with the sounds of _Here, here, and here_ playing from my iHome. I sat up and stretched, pushing my arms out in front of me while doing the same with my legs. I felt refreshed and clean, enjoying the fact that no one was sleeping on a chair, in my room.

I looked over to my clock to check the time, and was glad to see that it was only 3:30 PM, still enough time to go out for a good, long walk.

I put some warmer clothes on, adding a big black hoodie and a pair of sweats, it was cold and I wasn't taking my chances of getting sick. I started for my door, grabbing my iPod off it's charger on the way, and pushed my door open. I stomped down the stairs and pushed myself to walk as fast as possible to the door, and yelled a quick good bye to the inhabitants of the house.

I closed the door behind me before I heard anyone reply and quickly stepped away from my house. I figured I could use a good dose of super-bass-music, so I decided today was a good day to go crazy with some HeadHunterz and Dark Oscillators.

As the bass from _Superstar DJ_ pumped through me, I stepped as best I could to the beat of the bass. The music reminded me of a style of dance my friend was learning to do, I think he called it Melbourne shuffling. All I really remember of it was a lot of stomping and twisting feet.

The person's feet seeming to glide across whichever flat surface happened to be their dance floor. It was the best thing I had seen a person do with two feet.

As I was lost in my memories and music, I hadn't noticed that I had picked up a little friend who had begun to follow me. Well, maybe he wasn't so little, "Hi Seth." I mumbled while turning down my music.

He laughed a little, "You know I could hear your music from like, ten feet away. Why so loud? And where have you been? You haven't been at school these past two days."

"Loud music helps me to not think. And I've been nowhere, I only found out my mom's dead, my ex-boyfriend came down for a visit. You know, the usual things that tend to make a person want to drop dead." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I refuse to let Seth see me cry. I wouldn't want him thinking I needed pity right now, I just need to be moving.

"Oh..." he looked really uncomfortable now, and I couldn't blame him. I would too if someone just opened that jar depression in casual conversation. "I really don't know what to say, I could say I understand, but...it's been a while since my dad died. I don't really want to remember how I felt then, and I actually don't even remember much of the days I was depressed about it." he did this half shrug, half twitch thing, and it made him look like was totally tweaked on drugs. I started laughing and I think I might have hurt his feelings because he frowned a little.

"Don''t frown. I'm not laughing at what you said, more of what you did right now." the twitch-shrug was still fresh in my mind, so I couldn't help but keep a smile on my face.

"Well...just...I don't know how to say this..." he looked a little lost in his thoughts, staring forward blankly, while I just walked and looked sideways at him. "I guess... I'm here if you need me."

I slowed my walk down a little, comfortable enough with Seth to feel somewhat safe from the problems that might have started following me. As we walked further down I started thinking. Not something that's very good for me at the moment.

"Seth?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"...Why are you here?"

"Oh. I was just coming over, I was...well, worried about you. You hadn't been at school, and no one had seen you. And I saw you come out of your house, so I started to follow you and tried to catch up as fast as possible." he answered sincerely. "I was also going to bring the girls, but they decided last minute not to come." he laughed a little, as if he were laughing at an inside joke.

"They wanted to invite you to what they call 'Uterus Time," he was all out laughing hysterically now, "They knew you were either gay or bi the instant they saw you."

"Ha-ha...sounds like fun." Thing was, it seriously did.

We had started coming up on a park, and it looked like the perfect place to sit and relax for while. I walked over to a rusty swing-set that looked like it had been around for a while and took a seat. The chains clanked around and the metal of the bars groaned in protest to the new found weight pulling down on it.

I pushed myself back and forward with one foot, never letting it leave the ground and watched as Seth took a seat in the swing next to me.

Seth began to kick himself back and forward as well, but with his height neither of his feet left the ground. He started random conversation, keeping my mind busy with useless thoughts. I was grateful for this, I really didn't want to be left to the workings of my mind.

After our talking went on for a while, we started getting into more serious, personal things.

"So, have you dated anyone besides your ex-boyfriend?" Seth asked.

"Not really. I started dating Taylor my Freshman year, we went out for almost a year, " I took a deep breath, " I've been to scared to get into another relationship since then."

"May I ask what has you scared about dating?" he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes, and I spilled everything as if I couldn't stop myself.

"He cheated on me, I was meaning to walk with him to our next class that we shared. I walked to his classroom and when I got there the princess of the school had her hands all over him, and he wasn't doing anything to stop her.

I took it then that he wasn't serious about us and it hurt. I was already a very insecure person, his every comment about how much he cared about me made me feel genuinely loved. But after I seen him with her, how _perfect_ they looked together. It broke me. I never want to feel that helpless again."

I didn't notice Seth get up from his swing, nor did I notice that I was no longer moving. He was standing in front of me now, and he was looking a little blurry. Oh joy! I was crying.

"Sorry you have to deal with me and my emotional mess of a face." I said while wiping away my tears with the back of my sleeve.

"I'm not 'dealing' with anything, I'm here because I want to be, " his hands went forward and his thumbs wiped away tears that were still escaping me and I was surprised he let his hands rest on my cheeks. He was so warm, the contact was almost euphoric.

We were just there; looking at each other. Then without warning he pulled me into his chest and held me, he didn't do anything else. He just held me, and soon after I found I was putting my arms around his waist, holding him back. Letting my cheek press into him, inhaling the warm mix of air around us.

He let his cheek rest on my hair and took a deep breath and sighed, "Your hair smells....really good."

I chuckled at his statement, "Well, you smell pretty damn good yourself."

"I think I really like you..." Seth whispered, almost too low for me to hear. Almost.

"Really? Because I think I really like you too," I said just as quiet, "you have great friends, a wonderful personality. And to be frank, you're hot, like super-model hot."

I could feel his smile on my hair, his cheek muscles pushing strands away, "I'm glad to hear that."

"So, are you like..gay or something? Because I totally didn't even pick up on that if you are, most of the time I can point out gay guys pretty easily."

"Well...I'm not really sure. I'm pretty sure I've always liked girls, but...you, and only you have this effect on me. For some reason, I just can't bring you out of my thoughts. I worry about you when you're not there, I get this feeling that I just want to hold you every time you're around. It's like my brain gets some strange high every time I hear your voice, I feel like I need to possess every part of you, know all of you, and all about you," his ramblings were cute and so sincere I had to blink back tears, "I don't know what this emotion is, but it feels so right to be around you."

"I wish I knew what to say, I'm not really sure what I feel right now. I feel almost nothing, the only thoughts I've really had for a while were those of suicide. It's almost as if my mom took me with her..." I tried to fight back the sobs, but they weren't going away. They wanted out, even if they forced themselves out of me.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, it's okay," he hugged me closer and rocked us side to side. Hearing him tell it was okay infuriated me, _how could anything be okay?_ Mom was gone, the woman who raised me was gone, she was more than just my mom, she was my best friend and confident. She was the first person to tell me that it was fine I liked guys, it just made me 'that much more special.'

My anger dissipated at the memory of my mom and now I felt only a sad longing, I would never really see Mom again. I'd never see her smile, she'll never cook a wonderful dinner, she won't be there to help me through my emotional-mess days. Life is going to seriously suck.

I surmised that Seth had moved us to a bench to sit and had placed me in his lap, by the fact that we were no longer by the swings. He continued to rock us while we sat there, and I reveled in the comfort that only he provided, I burrowed myself into his open chest; wishing I could just melt into him.

"Lets get you home Alex, I'm pretty sure you need some sleep."

"I'm not tired though..." But of course, my body betrayed me and I let out a deep yawn, "Don't make me go back there."

"But you need to get home, your dad will be worried by now. It's almost ten," he argued.

"Fine then, fine then," I wormed my way off of him and dreaded it almost instantly. I had been so relaxed with him, I almost forgot how to stand and nearly fell on my face, "I'm fine. I caught myself."

He took my hand and pulled me to move on, leading me back to my house. I doubt I would have found it myself, I guess I really was tired, the ground was blending into the horizon and it all took on one giant hue of a grayish-black.

I must have been falling asleep while walking, because in between blinks my surroundings would change so dramatically it was as if we were driving in a really fast car. We had reached my house in what felt like seconds, but most likely took all of two hours.

I walked in, almost tripping on air, and kicked my shoes off. Seth followed me inside to make sure I didn't 'fall up the stairs and break something'. His words, not mine.  
Taylor and dad had already fallen asleep so I had to walk quietly, as quietly as a tired person could, up the stairs to my room.

If Seth hadn't been holding my arm, on the first step, I would have fallen right onto them. My foot had managed to slip off of the stair, and I would have successfully fallen _up_ the stairs.

"Told ya so," Seth whispered.

He picked me up, straining a little to keep me up, and carried me sideways up the stairs. I told him he didn't need to, but he said he felt bad that I was stumbling up the stairs and he wasn't doing anything. He put me down when we reached the top and I went straight to my room. I threw off my hoodie and pulled myself into my bed.

Seth came in slowly and sat on my bed next to me to pull my covers over me. He made to get up, but I pulled on his arm so hard he fell into my bed.

"Stay with me, please. Just tonight, or until I fall asleep and then you can leave."

I was begging him, I didn't want to be alone right now, I needed someone to hold me and keep me together.

"Alright, I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"Thank you..." I closed my eyes, and felt Seth push my out of my face as he slowly wrapped his arms around me. I pushed myself closer to him, snuggling into him as best I could with him over the covers and me under.

We lied there as I slowly drifted off into oblivion, filling my senses with all things Seth.

* * *

Another quick AN:

I'll try to update soon...It's gonna get really weird in the next chapter :D


	8. Be OK

**_AN:_** Yes, yes, I know. I haven't updated this story in forever-and-a-day.  
I've kind of had a rough patch in my 'where is this going' mind, and was having more fun writing my other story My Personal Aurora.  
-.- I'm sorry.  
This story might suck from now on.  
Updates will be few and far between. If you like this story, thank you, but there will be some major delays here.  
I don't have school or anything, I'm just really lazy. And I like my other story more at the moment, this one is getting a bit harder to write for me.

P.s-- This is pretty much what led up to the last chapter in Seth's PoV

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**Seth's PoV**

Yesterday with Alex had been fun. I hoped we could do it again some time, so this morning at school I anxiously awaited his arrival. When he didn't show I almost freaked a little, I paced in circles, not wanting to walk in the middle of the school parking lot, and bit my nails nervously.

The bell signaling the start of school brought me out of my mini-panic attack and I slowly started for my locker to get my books for my first class, looking behind my shoulder every three seconds or so. Just to see if he would walk in late.

He didn't.

He didn't show at all. It kind of made me sad, I had just made a new friend and he wasn't here. Lunch was almost torture, if it wasn't for the girls' ability to brighten anyone's mood with their wacky antics, I'm pretty sure I would have sulked the entire hour.

I was glad they had picked on my rather ominous mood though, they tried asking me about it and I honestly replied that it was nothing. Just me being a nervous-ball-o'-Seth. When they asked why I was so nervous the conversation went somewhat like this.

"So. You're nervous why?" asked Alison.

"My new friend isn't here," I said, pouting for emphasis.

"You mean that guy from yesterday? He was pretty cute. Too bad he's gay," says Dani.

"Alex isn't gay," I defended, "he's just a little different, probably why he liked your guys' humorous sides so much."

"Dude, he was obviously gay. Guys just don't style their hair after Scotty Vanity for no reason," Alison says, "not only that, Bryce's gaydar was beeping so loud _I _heard it."

Bryce is quick to defend his sexuality, even though we all know he prefers men no matter what he says. "Well, I don't know, it just feels different with him not here."

"The guy is here one day and when all of a sudden he doesn't show up he's thrown off your entire day? You either _really_ like the guy, or you _really really_ like the guy," says Connor.

"Well...I don't know if I do, but he is fun to be around. I was hoping to hang out some more," I whine, "Anyways, it was fun sitting with you guys, but I think I'll go sulk with some other friends."

I wave them off and head to a different table, to other friends that are a little more interesting to hang out with than Alison and Crew. I walk over to a table in the far back corner of the cafeteria where some of my other friends sit.

At this table we much more interesting people, they didn't sit _at _the table, they sat _on_ the table. They were a group that sent a subtle message of difference, they defied all social law and did what they wanted, when they wanted.

They were gay, there were bi, they were straight, they were _different. _Not the deranged kind of different, they were the people conformists wish they could be. They didn't live by what society says was right and wrong, they did what they thought was right and wrong. These were people I enjoyed just being in the presence of, my other friends are there simply because I'm somewhat of a social butterfly.

My friends all make fun of me because no matter who I hang out with, my joyous, happy nature tends to make people like me; it's not like I try to make friends in each social sect. The only people who apparently can't get along with me, are the girls or guys that get jealous. Apparently I'm the Edward Cullen of this past year.

Everyone wants me, but no one can have me.

The group was big, consisting of usually about eight or nine people. Normally there were Aiesha, Alex M. , Danielle, another Alex L. , Nate, Amber, Alyssa, Gabe and Amy. They all sat about, making conversation, laughing at inside jokes, and admiring the beautiful artwork of Amy.

I walked up to the table and smiled big and bright and gave everyone a hearty "Hello!"

"So, what you guys been up to?" I asked.

Alex L. responded, "Nothing, just being pissed that Aiesha keeps making fun of me."

"Hey, it's not my fault you're a funny drunk," Aiesha defended.

"Yes, actually. It is, if I hadn't had any of your stupid spiked Gatorade I'd never had had to worry about being drunk in the first place!"

"Hey, hey hey...Keep it quiet that I spike my drinks. I'd like to be able to do it again sometime."

I laughed, "Remember that time at prom? That was funny,"

Alex groaned, "Oh god! Why do you always bring that up?"

"Because it was hilarious," chimed the entire table.

"Really? Did you all just really speak in unison?"

"Yes," again in unison.

We all laughed at our sudden moment of uniformity among us as Alex continued to complain. I already felt better about the rest of the day, but remembering why I felt so good reminded me of why I felt bad in the first place bringing down my mood a bit. Danielle noticed.

"Hey Seth, what's wrong? You look a little down."

"Darn you and your emotional perceptive-ness Dani," I poked her side and she giggled a little.

"Nothing is wrong really, my friend just isn't here today. I kinda wanted to hang out with him today."

"Oh, you mean the new kid you were hanging out with yesterday?"

"Ooh, you mean the gay one?" asked Alex M.

"No, he's not gay. He's bi."

"Aww, he's only half gay," she pouted.

Half the table burst out into laughter while the other half was already laughing so bad they were holding their sides and trying not to see lunch a second time.

"What? What did I say!?" Alex shouted.

"Half gay?" questioned Aiesha, "Really? _Really?_ That's just hilarious."

Alex had finally caught on to what we were all laughing at and had spit up some of the water she had taken a sip of right before Aiesha's comment. Everyone laughed even more at that because Alex has this problem when she starts to laugh; if whatever was said was funny enough, she'd bust a gut and snort.

Unfortunately for her, when she snorts everyone busts up laughing again, and she laughs at everyone laughing at her snorting. It just ends up being a giant circle of laughing idiots, needless to say, people were staring at us like we were hyped up on drugs.

Our little laugh-fest had lasted longer than I thought it had and the bell rang shortly after everyone seemed to calm down. I thanked everyone for successfully distracting me and mostly everyone said it was no problem. The rest had already walked away to their next class.

I laughed a little to myself on the way back to class, realizing I was going to be introducing another Alex into the group, now it's going to get a little difficult to understand which Alex someone needs to talk to.

By the time I got the next class had ended, I was feeling a little sick. Thoughts of Alex maybe being hurt or sick kept coming to my mind and it totally killed my happy mood I just got at lunch. I just had to keep telling myself that there was only a few hours left until I could just go to his house myself.

I was still feeling a little uneasy as the school day ended and I wanted to get home in a hurry so that I could go see if Alex was okay. I hopped into my car and pulled out as fast as possible, wanting to get home, drop off my things and then tell Leah that I would be out for the day.

Of course my plan was shredded to bits when I got home and found Mom tearing up the house.

"Where the hell is my tequila...Gotta be in the house somewhere..Gonna kill someone..." she was muttering to herself.

"Hey mom," I waved and smiled sheepishly.

"Hey yourself. Where's my alcohol?!" She was furious, standing in the middle of the living room with the couch cushions littering the floor while she held one in her hand. Her fist clenching it so hard, her nail had torn through the material.

"I don't know, why would I know where you put your drinks?"

"Don't play stupid with me, they were in the refrigerator the other day. Now they're gone. And I know for a fact Leah wouldn't even think of _touching_ my drink. You would. Now. Where. Are. My. Drinks!"

Ugh, I'm really not in the mood for this. "Mom, I didn't take your stupid drinks. Why don't you go buy some more if you need it that bad? Here, take this. Go drink your problems away while your kids suffer alone." I shoved a twenty in her hand that I had been saving for lunch and quickly walked upstairs to my room.

I almost slammed my door, but it caught on a shirt that was sitting on the floor and instead flung back, almost hitting my face. I kicked the shirt away from the door and quietly closed my door. I must have problems, I'm usually never, ever, ever this frustrated.

I trudged over to my bed and kicked off my shoes and threw my bag onto the floor before flopping down onto it face first. The bed, not the the floor. That would hurt. Bad. I know these things.

I relaxed as best I could, thinking of something that could help my mind escape the torturous, frustrated prison it had become. I think Hello Kitty finally did the job. Her in those cute little skates and smacking around a wand really know how to calm your day.

I must have become so relaxed I knocked myself out because the dreams I started having were kind of scaring me. I would be running around, looking for a bus and hoping I didn't miss it but it would be like...the middle of the day, or it would pick me up and it would be full so the bus driver would make me sit in the metal racks above the seats that are meant for bags and other too-large-for-the-seat items.

In another I was sitting waiting for the bus with some people who I had seen around school, there was a group of the more 'popular' kids talking amongst themselves, and then there were the not-so-popular kids trying to play football in a small field behind me, and some girls were tossing a Frisbee around. It made no sense.

And in the last one I was chasing after Alex as he was running towards a building, when he got to it, he would go in through the revolving doors and I would follow. But when I would go through the revolving door, I would end up outside, and the building had disappeared and all there was was the revolving door and vast expanse of headstones and monoliths and even some sarcophagi. Kinda creepy.

I woke up after that dream sweaty and breathing heavily. I think it sent me into a mini panic attack. I was almost late for school, but being able to drive myself there made up for lost time. I suggest never going 60 down a 25 speed limit road. People get mad.

I pulled up at the school, anxious for no reason; at least not for any reason I understood. I couldn't wait for lunch today, I really wanted to talk more with everybody. They really are great at distractions, whether they mean to or not. And now I feel like a bad person for using my friends.

The day passed by, Alex-less. He had been gone again today. I hoped to be able to catch him after school, maybe drive over to his place before I went home.

Lunch at least was very fun. We had all decided(Alex L, Alex M, Alex M's boyfriend, Dani, Dani's boyfriend, Aiesha, Aiesha's boyfriend, Gabe, Nate, Amber, Alyssa, Angelica, Sokun, Sokun's boyfriend, Kristi, Kirsti, Amanda, and Becky) that McDonald's would be ten times better than any lunch they were serving at school and had ditched two periods, lunch and whatever class they had after so we could go out and eat some fast food.

When we walked in, to say the staff was scared and surprised was an understatement. We had made so much noise I _know_ they heard us coming. We had seated ourselves in an area where we would all be included in conversations, there was a long bench with three tables, and some round tables with about four or five feet in between the tables.

All seventeen of us fit no problem between the six tables and when it came time to order, everyone was even louder, we had left our stuff at the tables to get in line. Everyone ordered so much food, I almost felt bad for the people who worked there, almost. Everyone knows half the food is pre-cooked.

Needless to say, we left behind a huge mess of wrappers, fries, and crust crumbs. Again, I almost felt bad that we had had a French fry war, but we were all too giddy with happiness to care too much about it.

We returned to School hyped on fat-food and sugar from the sodas, to say we weren't surprised that half our teachers already knew we skipped was a lie. The attendance system is taken electronically, and if you miss a class in the middle of the day, it automatically marks you as truant. Damn Board of Education.

After my last class I had my mind set on going to Alex's, if he was sick I would offer my services as best I could, because thats what friends do right? If he was just ditching school, I'd ask why and see if I could fix the problem, because we're friends. I mean, you can't go to school once and then miss the next two days, it's just not right.

I just want to make sure he's okay, because he's my friend. I don't want him to not come to school, it's the only time I get to see him really. He's my friend and I like looking out for my friends.

I shot out of my desk when the bell rang and walked so fast to my car I almost broke out into a run. I yanked my car door open and winced when it opened as far as it could go and came back and hit me. I sat in my car and was rubbing my thigh where the door hit me with one hand while closing my door with my foot and then reaching over with my left hand to try and stick the key in the ignition. I was a tangled mess and I almost closed the door on my shin. That would have hurt like a mofo.

I drove up to Alex's but parked a few houses. I didn't want to seem like a stalker, I mean, he might not even want to see me. If he was sick, I'm not sure he'd want to see anyone. But . . . I don't know, it just didn't seem like a good idea to pull up at his house. I walked up slowly, not quite sure what to do or what to say when I actually get there, when I see his door open and close quickly and Alex is taking long, quick steps away from his house.

I call out to him but get no reply, I see a small, white cord leading to his pocket and understand that he has his headphones in, most probably on full blast. I laugh to myself a little and try to catch up with him. I walk a little behind him, waiting to see if he notices me, and he finally did...


End file.
